Marriage Monday - 11/30/2009

Wow - I can't believe I've missed two weeks of my Marriage Monday Posts! Where has the time gone? I apologize for slacking off in this area, it's definitely been on my mind - I just haven't taken the focused time and effort needed to get my posts done.

So, this week, we're going to cover a couple topics, His Affection and His Temptations because they are pretty short chapters.

His Affection

p.69-73

I'm just going to touch on a few key points that I found in this chapter. One of the big ones is that men often view sex and affection as the same thing, so they can feel like as long as the sex life is good, then so is affection. But as women, we know that affection is totally different - it can be holding hands, an unexpected hug, stroking your hair - for most men, stuff like that doesn't come naturally. But, Stormie quotes this scripture "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:3.

So, it's definitely in God's plan that our husbands are affectionate towards us - but I truly think most of the time they need some "help" in this area. So, since this is Power of a Praying Wife - this chapter talks about praying for our husbands in this area so that the power of the Holy Spirit can begin working on their hearts and ours so that when the time comes to talk about affection, it can be a conversation that is received well, rather than appearing to be just something else we are nagging them about. With my husband and I, my communication to him about affection is usually very playful because that's my husband's personality type...so I'll come in to the "Man Room" (aka the den) after all the girls are in bed, and sit down with him on the couch and say something like "Oh, what did you say? You wanted to give me a massage? How nice of you!" And then I plop myself down on the floor in front of him. We both chuckle, and he knows that I could use a massage - and he's happy to do it. He does the same thing with me - "Oh, you wanted to scratch my head? That's so sweet!".

So that way of communicating works for us. What would NOT work for us is me coming to him all the time saying "Why don't you ever give me a massage? Why don't you hug me more?". Confrontation like that usually never works for us. So, if your hubby is not affectionate or you would like him to be more affectionate, try praying for God to show you some effective ways that you can communicate that to him.

His Temptations

p.75-79

Now this is an area that I have more personal application with my ex-husband. My ex-husband was a compulsive gambler, and it seemed no matter how hard I prayed - and I prayed HARD and OFTEN - things never seemed to get better. When I finally filed for divorce, I felt like I had failed in my marriage - like I didn't pray hard enough, I wasn't strong enough, I should've done more. So, I was encouraged when I read this sentence on p.75 "But a heart that refuses to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit will not change, no matter how hard you pray." And I think that was truly the case with my first marriage - he just was not willing to change at that time in his life, and it cost him his family.

This chapter encourages us to pray in advance regarding any temptations that may come our husband's way, and to ask that they would be strong enough to withstand those temptations. It talks about temptations coming in all shapes and sizes: alcohol, drugs, money, power, food, pornography, etc. The bible says "blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him" (James 1:12). There are many other verses in the Bible that tell us that temptations WILL come, it's just a matter of when, and how we will respond. 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us "God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." I can personally attest to that - when I was about 20 years old, I ended up in a very bad situation with a guy I had just met. He had his plans for how he wanted the night to work out, and I felt somewhat trapped. I didn't know what else to do, so I went to the bathroom, and just prayed and asked God to please help me find the way out. Seriously, minutes later, I started throwing up EVERYWHERE, and he left me alone and I got out and went home. I know it's gross - but I know that was my way out that God provided for me.

I've been very fortunate in my marriage to Aaron, I haven't seen too many temptations in his life, other than "the need for speed" - but this too can definitely be an issue - one that landed him in the hospital for a week last year with a lacerated liver. I don't know that I prayed specifically about that as a 'temptation' but I know I prayed that he would be more careful and realize what he had at stake. And I have seen him reign himself in and be more cautious when he rides his dirtbike, since he knows he has a family at home that needs him.

No matter what our husbands temptations may be, our prayers can be very effective in helping them resist those temptations. In Stormie's example prayer, she says to pray for a wall of protection to be around our husband, that he will have the self-control to resist anything or anyone that becomes a lure, and to give him the courage to reject tempting situations.

I pray that today's Marriage Monday post will find its way to those who needed to hear some of these things today, and that we will all put prayer for our husbands as a top priority in our lives - as it will not only benefit them, but will ultimately benefit us and our family. I know sometimes all the things we have to pray for can seem overwhelming - I could probably pray for hours on end just to get out all of the things that I want to pray about. But God knows what is on our hearts, He just desires for us to be in relationship with him - so don't think your prayers have to be a certain length, or that you have to pray them all at once. I find that I get my most prayer time in on my way to and from work in the car - in fact I rarely listen to the radio anymore because I know that I will have uninterrupted time on my drive. Once I get home, I won't get time to myself again until my children are in bed...hehe :) So, whether it's finding time when your kids are at school, or when they are taking a nap, or when your making your daily commute - you may have to sacrifice something else (for me it was giving up listening to music on the way to work - which I really liked to do), I guarantee that you won't regret having that alone time with God.

Next week I think I'll do 2 chapters again so I can get caught up - His Mind and His Fears.

Happy Monday!

Finally...The Announcement

So the time has finally come – the time to announce my new business venture. This has been in the works since about October 2008, but the majority of the work on getting everything going started about August of this year. I haven’t breathed a word of it to very many people, because I have a tendency to get excited about an idea, and announce it to the world, and then I lose my excitement and don’t follow through with the idea – and I end up looking like a dork. But, with this venture, I have really committed, and have a fully legal and established LLC. The fire was lit under me when I found out I was pregnant with #5, and I really wanted to be able to do something that would allow me to be with my children and still contribute financially to the household. So, without further adieu…

I am pleased to announce the launch of:

My Smart Hands – Phoenix

Sign Language Classes for Hearing Babies and Toddlers.

This has been an exciting and scary journey to get up and running – but I am thrilled! Aaron and the girls are extremely supportive - as we all have witnessed first-hand the benefits of signing with our youngest daughter. Since making this decision, I have taken formal American Sign Language classes, as well as a class on Early Childhood Language Development - and one of the first lessons included research on the benefits of signing with preverbal children!

I have my first location for classes locked down in Old Town Scottsdale, at the Art of Dance studio (www.artofdanceaz.com) – and since I’m still currently working full-time, the classes will be on Saturdays. But once the baby comes, my plan is to start offering weekday classes as well.

This is a link to my website – www.MySmartHands-Phoenix.com. I’m currently looking for additional class locations in North Phoenix, Central Phoenix, and Fountain Hills at this point – so if any of you that are local to the Phoenix area know of any locations that rent their space out, I would greatly appreciate the contact info.

I will be holding my first marketing booth at the Momma’s Organic Market (http://www.mommasorganicmarket.com/) this Saturday, November 21st from 9am to 2pm. Since I don’t sell an actual ‘product’ – I’ll be giving away free bubbles, Hawaiian leis, and stickers to the kids, and teaching them the signs for 'bubbles' and 'necklace'. I will also be accepting class registrations and selling gift certificates for classes as well.

A special "Thank You" to my grandma Billie for always telling me I could do anything I put my mind to. I thank God for all of the wonderful people He has put me in contact with that have helped me to make this busines possible. And I'm looking forward to the additional time I'll be able to spend with my children during their formative years.

Woo Hoo! Here we go! (I'm jumping out of the boat Alisa & Crissy!)

Weird Dream and Some Other Stuff

Okay - so, in case you noticed (or maybe didn't notice) - my Marriage Monday post is missing. It's coming, it just might be a Marriage Wednesday or Thursday.

But, because I had some things on my mind - I thought I would post today instead of waiting to get caught up, because this is my blog, and I can do that if I want. ;)

Last night I had this WEIRD dream - where I got an email from this ultrasound technician at my OB's office and it said something like "Oh, the new ultrasound guy just looked at your ultrasound pictures and he wanted me to tell you congratulations on your new baby boy!" I was SO MAD in my dream! In case some of you don't know, we are letting the sex of this baby be a surprise since we have 4 girls, and we figured since this will be the last baby that we wouldn't find out if it's another girl or potentially a boy. So, this dream really chapped my hide because I didn't want to know the sex, and here this ultrasound tech is sending me emails telling me what I'm having! Now of course I realize that this is just a dream, and may have no bearing on what actually may come to pass - but I'm just sayin'. Weird pregnancy dreams I tell ya.

Baby Pants has become a master manipulator with this new wake up and cry routine she tried to start this past week. She did it on a couple of week nights, and I thought "Awww...poor baby she had a bad dream" so I brought her into bed with us. Then, she did it again on Saturday & Sunday night - and we had my father-in-law in town, so in order to let everyone get sleep, I brought her in bed with us again. But neither hubby nor I get any sleep when Baby Pants is in the bed because as small as she is, she somehow takes up the whole darn bed! Her head is shoved into the side of my neck, and her feet are pressed against her daddy's back. So - hubby and I said "No more" - and when she woke up at 1am this morning crying - I went in first, and calmed her down but told her that she needed to go back to sleep. This really made her mad - so I asked if she needed a diaper change - to which the crying immediately stopped, and she said "Yeah" - so she stayed quiet in her crib the whole time I went to get the diaper and throughout the diaper change process. As soon as I said 'Good Night' and started to walk away - the wailing began again. Also as a side note, my oldest daughter shares a room with Baby Pants - and we felt bad for her, so we got her up and moved her mattress to our den so she could attempt sleep. When Baby Pants saw this, she got another fantastic idea "I'ant (this is "I want" in Baby Pants language) Seena (this is SAMs name as Baby Pants says it)". She thought if she couldn't sleep with mom and dad, she could sleep with her sister! I said "No - this is YOUR bed, and you are going to sleep in YOUR bed." and closed the door. Her wailing was very artistic - she played with several pitches and tones, and cry styles from sounding very pitiful, to screaming like someone was poking her with a stick - and pretty soon hubby and I were actually laughing at her repertoire. But, by this time it was 1:45am - and we wanted to go back to sleep. So....we sent in the Big Guns...Daddy went in. I heard him give her the same conversation that I gave her, about her sleeping in her own bed, yada yada. Then he said "Ok, now go to sleep"...and 3....2....1...."AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!". Then, the magical words were spoken in only the voice a daddy can do, that strikes fear in the hearts of little children everywhere - "Do you want a spankin'?", to which Baby Pants replied "NO!"...and she was quiet for the rest of the night. So, we'll see what happens tonight.

And finally - I have a couple updates to make to my business website tonight, and then I'm launching it TOMORROW, to the rest of my family and friends, this blog, and my online mommies community. I've been wanting to do it for awhile, but I always had an excuse - "This piece isn't ready yet.", "I want to do this first", yada yada. I'm very nervous, but very excited - my hubby is behind me, my kids are stoked, so off we go!

OK - I think that's all I need to get off my brain for now. Look for Marriage Monday, debuting on its new day this week only - and for my business launch! Yippee!

Randomness

Just some random thoughts from me today - of course it isn't the same as bullets, because I'm going to use asterisks instead!



*Dude - preteen attitudes suck. So, SAM is signed up for volleyball, and all of her games are on Saturdays. Tonight at our mid-week church thing, she finds out that the junior high kids are doing some kind of activity that will start on Friday night @ 11pm and have them playing laser tag, ice skating, and then gallavanting around until 7am on Saturday morning. I told her "Sorry, you can't participate, you have a commitment to your volleyball team." To which she got all pouty and pissy and door slammy and go to bed without saying goodnight-y. Argh. I wanted to smack her...but I didn't, so don't call CPS on me or anything.



*Baby pants pooped and peed on the potty for the first time yesterday. It was a monumental event. Of course my husband was all "Our daughter is going to be the first child potty trained before two." I really wanted to correct him to let him know that I'm sure there have been other children potty trained before two - but I didn't. See, Marriage Mondays are working! :)



*Monkey is going to be 5 on Saturday...FIVE years old people! She was student of the week at her preschool, and I had to go back to the archives to dig up newborn / baby / toddler-ish pictures of my little Monkey - made me get all nostalgic and stuff. I can't believe she was that little - and now she's just a big ball of chatter-face...with all her "Mommy...Mommmy...Mommmy! Remember that one time?"



*Cita is being Cita - she's always tried to be somewhat of a second mommy, and she's very patient with Baby Pants - but with Monkey, she acts like an annoyed, burnt out parent that's worked a very long day. So...what I'm saying is...she sounds like me. I just want her to be 7....I keep telling her that it's mommy's job to be the jerkface, and that she should just be a kid.



*I got my oil changed yesterday, and watched Divorce Court where this lady told the judge she was consistently abducted by aliens. I almost peed my pants laughing...she also imitated her husband eating a bologna sandwich. It was funny. But because I'm still getting over this upper respiratory thing, every time I laugh, I sound like Marge Simpson's sister who smokes 8 packs a day. It's not cool.



*My toenails need painting - I can't reach them - and I don't care.



*Since when did driving EXACTLY the speed limit in the fast lane on the freeway become an epidemic in Phoenix? It really bothers me - in fact, I used the carpool lane 5 minutes earlier than I was allowed to, to get around said speed limit obeyer. (NOTE: In Phx the carpool lane becomes a regular lane from 9am-3pm, and then again from 7pm-6am or something like that)



*I ate a sausage mcmuffin (without egg) for breakfast this morning



*I had a lot funnier random thoughts earlier today when I was thinking about writing this blog



*Oh yeah - I've kept a plant alive in my office for like 10 months! I'm turning into Martha Stewart or something - she's the only person I could think of - I don't know any famous plant-keeper-alivers.



*I love reading other people's blogs - they really make my day, or they make me cry - either one, or sometimes both.



*Why do farts never stop being funny? You know how when you hear the banana knock-knock joke 80 bajillion times when your kids start learning the knock knock joke concept - and you laugh for about the first 10 times they tell it - but then you just look them straight in the eye and say "ok - it's not funny anymore"? But, by the time they are five, you have probably heard them toot about 100 bajillion times - nevertheless the 101 bajillionth time is still freakin' funny.



*9 more days till "New Moon" comes out



*Why do I care about that?



*Because I'm a dweeb, that's why.



*I have cankles.



*Yesterday I caught a glimpse of my butt in these maternity pants I was wearing - and I wanted to cry. I looked like I had a foot long butt, that had been mooshed flat and wide by a shovel. Can I please trade this butt in for my 19 year old butt?



*My husband raises his arms over his head when he sleeps on his back - he didn't believe me - I took a picture

Marriage Monday - 11/09/09

His Sexuality

pp.61-67

So, this week's Marriage Monday chapter is on our husband and his sexuality. I got two paragraphs into this chapter and read this:

"It isn't that the wife cares nothing about that part of her life It's that there are so many other things screaming for her attention, such as raising children, work, finances, managing a home, emotional stress, exhaustion, sickness, and marital strife. In the wife's juggling of priorities, sex can end up on the bottom of her list."

I don't know about you ladies, but these few sentences describe me. This is kind of a personal subject to talk about - but, I'm pretty sure there are many other women out there that feel this way. It's not like I don't WANT to have sex with my husband, I just have so many other things going on, it's like...when do I have time for THAT? And it sucks, because I know for him, he would probably want to have sex every day, multiple times a day if he could. So, where do we find a balance that works for both of us, you know?

On page 62, the author goes on to say "A man can easily be made to feel insignificant, beaten down, discouraged, destroyed, or tempted in this area of his being. There is probably no more important means of fulfillment for a man, and no area where he is more vulnerable."

Wow - I knew dudes liked sex, but it's sometimes hard to grasp that it is SO important to them.

This chapter talks about praying in this area of our lives, so that we can get somewhat on the same page as our husband as far as desire. And if there are times when we aren't quite feeling it, that we would pray that we would have renewed energy, strength, vitality and a good attitude. And then to take 10 or 15 minutes and prepare ourselves physically and emotionally, by doing things that make us feel pretty and desirable - fix our hair, put on lingerie, put makeup on if you want - I know I don't feel too in the mood or sexy when I'm my sweatpants that have 8 holes in the butt and a ratty old tank top, and my pits stink from a long day. :)

Page 64 talks about the flip side - what if our husband doesn't seem to care about having sex? The author suggests that we pray about this as well for insight into what's going on - she says "If there is no physical problem hindering him, maybe he's having deep feelings of failure, disappointment, depression, or hopelessness that need to be addressed - prayer can help reveal what the problem is and how to solve it."

So, to wrap up today's Marriage Monday - I will be honest and say that this area is something I definitely need to work on. I pray that I can meet this need in our marriage better, and that I can do it before things take a turn that I don't want it to take.

Next week we'll be talking about "His Affection" - have a great day everyone!

What A Week!!

Phew - TGIF, seriously! This week was certainly crazy, and I'm pretty glad it's over....well, I guess we technically still have the weekend - and heaven only knows what joys that could bring with some of the drama that ensued this evening.

But - the week started out with everyone in the entire house being sick. I thought we would just tough it out, since any fevers that presented themselves were pretty much gone by Monday. But we all sounded like a bunch of barking seals with our coughs, so I took me and the 3 younger girls to the doctor first thing Tuesday AM. My oldest said she didn't need to go, she would just take some cough medicine - and she actually did sound better than the rest of us.

So - 4 copays and 1.5 hours later - we were all diagnosed with upper respiratory infections, with my 4 yr old, Monkey, being kind of the worst out of the bunch with bronchitis. They sent us off with our prescriptions for Amoxicillin (for the girls) and Cephalexin (for me) - those were promptly filled at Target for $4/piece, thank you very much - and now here we are....on day 4 of our antibiotics - still hacking up a storm, but 'feeling' a lot better.

Yesterday was actually my first day back in the office in 4 days - I stayed home on Friday because that's when Baby Pants started getting sick - and then I stayed home Monday through Wednesday of this week. By the grace of God, some of the high priority stuff that has been burdening me over the last several months took a bit of a breather this week, so I didn't return feeling COMPLETELY overwhelmed - just a teensy bit. :) Next week I'm sure it will be taken up a notch - I don't think I've ever wanted to see a project get completed as much as I want this one to be over with. It is very brain intensive, and my brain just isn't up for the challenge with all this baby growing I'm doin'.

And BOY am I baby growin'. I think I'm at a total weight gain of 25 pounds so far - and I still have 3 months to go. I really need to start getting some exercise in - even if it is just taking a walk around the block every night. But with everything going on with the kids' mid-week activities, and my job and everything - I just don't have the energy. But I'm going to have even less energy once the baby comes if I don't get to somewhat of decent pregnancy shape. Also - my belly is so HUGE - it seriously looks like I have a basketball stuffed under my shirt - an extra large one. I waddle like a duck and I have sleep with a pillow underneath the side of my tummy when I sleep on my side. I had an appointment this week, and they did an ultrasound to follow-up on my placenta previa that they had detected at my 18 week ultrasound - but it 'resolved', according to the doctor - so I don't have to worry about needing a c-section or anything - which is awesome. They said the baby weighs 2 pounds - and we're having a bit of confliction going on with the due dates - from the get go, I have been using Feb 10th as my due date because I used a due date calculator online with the date of my LMP - but apparently the doctor had put in my chart Feb 1st - and then after my first ultrasound, they bumped it to Feb 8th - but according to my measurements of this latest ultrasound - it looked like Feb 3rd. So, I guess somewhere between Feb 1st and Feb 10th I'll be having a baby. :) OH - I also had to do my glucose test with the sugary drink and getting my blood drawn - that was a blast. I actually don't do too bad with the needle poke thing.

The drama of the week revolves around the living situation we had with my 21 yr old brother-in-law living with us again. Not going to go into great detail, we're just all sort of at our wits end as to what to do. I've received some great input from some friends, and we've tried to offer some solutions to the guy, but he refuses to want to take responsibility for himself - and his mom keeps covering for him, so he doesn't really have a reason to. My poor husband feels like he can't win, because he's got me, a mother of four that works full-time and is hormonal and pregnant - dumping my emotions out about the situation - and then he's got his mom crying to him about how he needs to take care of his brother. So, this morning I apologized for making it worse, and that I would support him in the arrangement he had made with his brother which was to allow him to stay until mid-January, which is a few weeks before the new baby is born. But, apparently tonight his brother didn't fulfill his end of the arrangement which was to pay $100 in rent - and he is now 'kicked out', aka homeless...which is making his mother very upset, which is making my husband very upset. So, I'm just praying for something positive to happen.

Anywho - that's pretty much my week in review. I'm trying not to make any other plans for the weekend besides going to my girls' volleyball and soccer games, church and maybe a new bible study on Sunday night. But it is my hubby's birthday tomorrow - I gave him his presents early because I got him personalized riding gear for his motocross racing series, but it ended a couple weeks ago and I wanted him to have it for his last race. So, not sure what I'll do for him tomorrow - he's out riding right now with some buddies. He doesn't like sweets, so I can't bake him a cake (not like I'd be any good at that anyhow...hehe). I'll probably just make him some bacon & eggs in the morning. :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Marriage Monday - 11/02/09

Power of Praying Wife

Chapter 3 - His Finances

p55-59

So - I was on a hiatus last week with Marriage Monday - but I'm back - I may have to do a mid-week edition as well, so I can catch up.

Our whole family is sick - I spent today disinfecting the entire house - I felt pretty good earlier, but as the night wears on, I can feel the congestion building in my throat again. Good times. Not.

So - Chapter 3 is on His Finances. To be honest, I don't think the chapter was long enough - and it didn't really go into a lot of detail. I think the prayer she included at the end about our husband's finances is way better, so I'll probably end with that.

I have been married once before, we shared a bank account, and my ex-husband had a gambling addiction. This was not good. So, when Aaron and I got married, we were two very independent people, and I think we were both on the same page about keeping our finances separate. The cause of so much strife in marriage is due to finances, and my Dad had mentioned before that he and my step-mom kept their finances separate and they've been married for 15+ years. I think it depends on every couple. But, I had 3 children before I met Aaron - and I will obviously have expenses for them that I wouldn't expect him to pay for. He also has vehicles and toys that he had before he met me, and wouldn't expect me to pay for. So, we share the common household expenses - rent, utilities and groceries - and once those are paid, we are pretty much free to do what we wish with the rest.

Fortunately for me, I think Aaron does a pretty good job of managing his finances. He knows when to cut back on extras if he needs to, and he is very generous when additional funds come his way. But I understand not every man is like this - the author mentions that there are men that are miserly with their money and men that are reckless with it. The best thing that I think we can pray for our husbands is that they truly come to an understanding that everything they receive comes from God - it's ours to steward, and we should be the best at that as we can. We all have areas to grow in concerning our finances. I recommend a book called "Money. Purpose. Joy" by Matt Bell - it's been very helpful to me as I try to get my own finances in order.

So, as I said I'm going to end this Marriage Monday with the prayer from this chapter:

Lord, I commit our finances to You. Be in charge of them and use them for Your purposes. May we both be good stewards of all that You give us, and walk in total agreement as to how it is to be dispersed. I pray that we will learn to live free of burdensome debt. Where we have not been wise, bring restoration and give us guidance. Show me how I can help increase our finances and not decrease them unwisely. Help us to remember that all we have belongs to You, and to be grateful for it.

I pray that my husband will find it easy to give to You and to others as You have instructed in Your word. Give him wisdom to handle money wisely. Help him make good decisions as to how he spends. Show him how to plan for the future. I pray that he will find the perfect balance between spending needlessly and being miserly. May he always be paid well for the work he does, and may his money not be stolen, lost, devoured, destroyed, or wasted. Multiply it so that what he makes will go a long way. I pray that he will not be anxious about finances, but will seek Your kingdom first, knowing that as he does, we will have all we need (Luke 12:31).

Here are a few reference verses as well from this chapter:

Luke 12:29-31

Ecclesiastes 5:19

Proverbs 28:27

Psalm 37:25

Phillipians 4:19