Damn Computer AND Funny Story

OK...so, my laptop for work is a ThinkPad Lenovo x300. At first I thought it was totally the bomb, because it was so much lighter and thinner and worked much faster. But, I think I am haunted by Laptop ghosts, because the reason I got this new laptop was because my old laptop was doing weird things. The biggest one was randomly blue-screening whenever it got the notion, amongst other weird things. Anywho...so now my new one's biggest problem is that it takes me about 20 different attempts to get the damn thing to bootup. Here are all the different things I have to do to try and finesse it to start:

1. I first start with "Last Known Good Configuration"...thinking that it is using the last time that it booted up correctly and using those settings. Nah...I think it's just another option to confuse me, as there are 5 selections I can choose from.

2. Then I boot up in Safe Mode and run a virus scan just to see if I somehow have gotten some yucky bug from the Internet. It usually finds one Tracking Cookie...I repair it, and reboot, hoping to God that repairing that will fix it. It doesn't.

3. Then I try to boot up again with the regular "Start Windows Normally" option. Sometimes this works, but it usually doesn't.

4. After having struggled through this for the past few weeks, I have realized that the damn laptop doesn't like to have any peripheral devices attached to it when it's trying to boot up. ie: Power Cord, Wireless mouse thingie in the USB port.

5. I pray over the computer asking God to please fix it so I can get some damn work done today

6. I do a Boogie Woogie dance and wave my hands over the keyboard in Harry Houdini fashion, stroke the screen, and promise that I will never yell at it again

7. Repeat Steps 1-6 until she (yes, it has to be a she, since she is a hormonal bitch)...decides which one of those steps tickles her fancy today and finally boots up. Since it is never one thing in particular, I do have to run through all 6 steps several times a day. Yay Me.

OK...now that I wrote that...I realized that what I thought was going to be my Funny Story today, pales in comparison to my computer story. And I also told my family about it last night at the dinner table, and they weren't nearly as amused as I was by the whole thing. But here goes anyway...

Yesterday was my telecommute day...and a lot of times, I don't get as much work done as I should when I choose to telecommute from home because my house chores beckon me all day long, and I usually succumb to them. So, I found that I get a lot done when I go to the Starbucks, get a Grande Caramel something (macchiato in winter, frappucino in summer)...and buckle down for a few hours. This day was pretty similar to the other times I've done this, except for the fact that my laptop took an hour and fifteen minutes to boot up. But once I was up and running, everything was all good. I had a conference call at 1030am, and during about the last 15 minutes of it...someone settled in at the table behind me. The first thing that perked up my ears was a belch. So, at first I assumed the person behind me was a dude...because chicks don't belch, or at least we don't do it in public at a freakin' Starbucks. But then...this horribly annoying, LOUD, obnoxious (think The Nanny on crack)...woman's voice starts up behind me as she starts chatting loudly on the phone. I apologize to my client because there is a really loud lady at the table behind me...fortunately my client is cool, otherwise that could've looked really bad. At first she just starts calling people and leaving messages for them...I'm assuming because once they see her name on their cell phone they shriek in horror and click the Silent button and pretend they are away from their phone. I didn't really pay attention to her name, but we'll call her "Susie". So, her messages go "HELLOOOOO...This is SUSIE...just calling to say HI..talk to ya later...BYE!" (in her really annoying, loud, nasally voice). Then...she finally gets a hold of someone who probably didn't check their Caller ID first...and then Susie starts holding a loud conversation as if the poor person on the other line can't hear her. But then what clinched it for me, is that she then started using CUSS words in her extremely obnoxious conversation...have I mentioned we're in a FREAKIN STARBUCKS!! There are other folks in there that had the same idea as me, with their laptops trying to get work done...the other set of people in there are moms who have just finished their little stroller workout session, and have their little kiddos in there. So, the atmosphere was very weird due to this lady's convo. I could no longer take it, and it was about lunch time anyway, so I bailed. I never turned around to look at her, so I have no idea what she looks like. But I have to say, it was one of the strangest things I have experienced in a long time.